Men: 0 / This Woman: So Many Points

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Breaking up sucks. The loss of love is devastating, no matter what side of the fence you're on--but especially if you are the dumped.

Believe me when I say my boyfriend track record is marred and ugly. If there's something one can go through in a relationship, I've been through it. There was my first love (long-distance) who, on the day of my father's funeral, admonished me for not asking him how he felt about my dad's passing and then told me that rather than visit me, he was going to go to a music festival. There was the emotionally distant one who strung me along for two years, fled the state and didn't call me for two weeks...not even on my birthday. And oh yeah, didn't buy me a present either. There was the man-boy who tried so hard to be successful in an effort to impress his family, and he was severely, covertly abusive. There was the sensitive, romantic who all of the sudden began to belittle my every move and make ludicrous accusations about my 'controlling ways' and affection-absence before it was rumored he took off with a woman nearly twice his age, never to be heard from again.

So yes, dear readers, I know pain. I know bad relationships. And you know what else? I know how to bounce back and recover from them. (I wish I knew how to pick the right one, but I'll get there.) This is precisely why I'm starting a new series called Break Up Kit...everything we women and men need to get over our broken pasts without ever looking back except to say, "Ha! Look at me now!" But really, healing isn't about them...it's about us...getting back on track, being strong, and never letting go of faith in love.

Until then, dear readers!

Young, wild, and free: Getting my life (back) on track

I went for a bike ride today on the trail behind my house. I am so blessed to live so close to a trail. When else in my life will I have an opportunity to get fit than that. It's like God gave me this house as if simply to say, "Here. Now move it!"

Anyway, on my bike ride, I started to think about my dating life and my diet. I had a high school boyfriend, but due to my overall pickiness with boys, I didn't have my first real relationship until my senior year of college. That's right. I said college. After that, I entered into a series of long-term relationships and my weight began to balloon, gaining almost 50 lbs. over the course of eight years. I wondered, as I was pedaling away, Why have I let my relationships affect my health? Well, I'd always let them affect my mental health, but why my weight? Then it hit me.

I was watching these squirrels scurry back and forth for acorns, and I noticed how strong and muscular they were. I realized that animals in the wild are always strong, always in shape. You almost never see a fat wild animal. At that point, a man walked by with his chubby pup on a leash, and it all became clear. Animals only become fat once they've been domesticated--we neuter them, and then force them to eat processed food, or worse yet, we feed them what we eat!

This same principal could apply to relationships: when we're single and free, we are healthy. We take care of ourselves. Then, we hunker down in a relationship and our healthy habits go into hibernation. (How do you like that alliteration???) Maybe it's the phenomenon where two people sync eating schedules, eating at restaurants, snacking on the couch. Perhaps, emotional eating becomes heightened when relationships hit their rocky points. The most likely culprit is that for women, or more specifically, for me, when I'm in relationships, I lose sight of myself and put all of my focus on my 'other half.' This  is a process known as 'letting oneself go.'

So now, here I am...almost 29 and single. I've lost a total of 14-16 lbs. (it fluctuates), and for the first time, I'm not emotionally eating. My focus isn't on getting skinny, but it's on my health, it's on getting my life back on track. Even though my heart is still wounded, and I still haven't gotten to the point where I'm at peace with what happened, I know I need this time of being undomesticated to be a time for healing and restoration.

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"Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them and reveal to them abundance of prosperity and security." Jeremiah 33:6 (ESV)